Dealing with Difficult People
by mperez on Aug.04, 2009, under Youth
What do you think a judge is?
To judge-to issue a decree, an opinion about someone or something; to decide (mentally or judicially), to try, condemn, punish, avenge, conclude, damn, determine, esteem, judge, call in question, sentence to, think, a decision.
Matthew 7:1-5
1) Quick judgment invites more judgment
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you”.
Have you ever judged someone really fast without really getting to know them? Why?
Have you ever been wrongly judged? Set on trial by someone?
2) Quick Judgment is distorted
a. And why do you look at the speck of saw dust in your brother’s eye, but you don’t consider the plank in your eye?
b. Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye; and look, a plank is in your own eye?
c. Hypocrite! First remove the plank in your own eye, and then you will clearly see to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
When someone judges people w/o checking themselves first there judgment is distorted.
Have you ever judged someone for the same sin you struggle with?
Have you ever been judged by someone who you know has issues too? How did that make you feel? Why?
3) Careful Judgment is Necessary
“Don’t give what is holy to the dog; nor cast your pearl before swine, lest they trample them underfoot, and turn and tear you into pieces”
Proverbs 9:7-8
I am not saying that judging others and programs, or things is wrong. Actually we are supposed to do so. But there is a difference between judging w/o discernment and judging with it. Sometimes we need to slow down and calculate, take a look at, think about it, before we do, say, or act on something. That period of calculating and looking is at is called discernment.
Two kinds of Judgment:
Condemning Judgment versus Discerning Judgment
Quick versus careful
Focused on other’s faults v.s. Examining self
Legalistic v.s. Gracious
Motives v.s. actions
When someone new comes into our cell, or circle of friends, do you focus on what is wrong with them or what is right with them?
When someone is dressed differently then most others, do you accept their style or judge them as not cool?
When a new leader arises, do you look at what is wrong with them, or do you look at what gifts they have and how they are going to bless the body of Christ?
“Discernment is a helpful skill and a positive contribution. Good Judgment is a valuable quality. But some people miss the distinction between discernment and condemnation. They elevate fault finding to a ministry-as if they were doing the church a favor, or doing society a favor, or doing their spouse a favor-by making it their goal to find out what is wrong”. –Lewis B. Bell
Are you a condemning judge or a discerning one?
August 4th, 2009 on 1:25 pm
I like how it even says to think in the defintion of judge… so gaurd your mind.
I have judged people quickly without getting to know them and sometimes its like why?! If its not very favorable then I’m quick to not want to get to know that person more. After a while and they are around and I finally do get to know them, and see they are actually pretty cool, I feel like a snob I guess and angry because I wasted all that time not liking them because I really just didn’t know them. It sucks.
August 4th, 2009 on 1:56 pm
Have you ever judged someone for the same sin you struggle with?
—- Have I judged someone that struggles like me…I dont think that I have, atleast not that I can recall. Generally when I realize or have been told someone struggles with something like I do, I tend to try to fix them. But not in a condemning way, more like a, “hey I’m struggling too, lets work it out together” kind of way.
Have you ever been judged by someone who you know has issues too? How did that make you feel? Why?
—– Wow, if this statement doesnt hit a nerve to many people I have no idea whats wrong with them. Im sure everyone has been judged by someone that they have dirt on. I know it made me feel like poo. Like the old saying, “when you point a finger at someone there are four pointing back at you.” I hated that feeling especially in the church because it makes you feel alienated in a place where your supposedly welcome.
When someone new comes into our cell, or circle of friends, do you focus on what is wrong with them or what is right with them?
—– I’m not going to lie, I judge people just as much as the next person. This question makes it easy to explain that I dont judge in a bad way but more of a way to feel the person out. The first thing I do personally is try to make them feel welcome and if you’re focusing on the bad in them you’ll be giving off a negative vibe and its not going to go over well. So in short, I guess you could say I try to focus on the good in them. Its a better feeling to lift up than to tear down.
When someone is dressed differently then most others, do you accept their style or judge them as not cool?
—–Ha! Really!? I mean unless they’re dressing for the wrong kind of attention I admire people who step out of the box and do something crazy with their style! Then I try to pick their brain and find where they got their inspiration.
Well hope all is well in STAGEblog land,
In Christ,
Nonamoose